


Thinking of Confession (need to face reality)

by never_bloom_again



Series: Deserving of Love (Hotch/Rossi) [3]
Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Cute, Friendship, Insecure Aaron Hotchner, Introspection, M/M, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Not Beta Read, Pining Aaron Hotchner, Unrequited Love, introspective
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-01
Updated: 2020-05-01
Packaged: 2021-03-02 00:21:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23946124
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/never_bloom_again/pseuds/never_bloom_again
Summary: Aaron has come to terms with the fact that Dave will never love him back. But he can't keep bottling up his feelings.
Relationships: Aaron Hotchner & The BAU Team, Aaron Hotchner/David Rossi, past Aaron Hotchner/Haley Hotchner - Relationship
Series: Deserving of Love (Hotch/Rossi) [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1723459
Comments: 2
Kudos: 49





	Thinking of Confession (need to face reality)

**Author's Note:**

> So you don't need to read the other stories, but this will make wore sense if you do.

“What I want, I’m not going to get.”

That’s what he had said, and it was true. In a way. Not the way anyone else would interpret it, but still equally as true.

He wasn’t going to get Rossi, no matter how much he wanted him. He had to come to terms with it. It was never going to happen. But that was harder said than done. Aaron Hotchner had never been a man who dealt with affairs of the heart any way other than with full force. He married his highschool sweetheart, for heaven’s sake, despite that being the only relationship he had ever had.

So here he was, hopelessly in - something, he wasn’t quite sure if it was love (well he was, but he would deny it, if only for posterity’s sake, to make him feel just slightly less stupid) - love with David Rossi, a man who would never love him back, or like him in any way other than as a friend. 

Surely there had to be a way to escape this, to escape the hatred for his feelings. He could put it out there, tell him, let David know just how much he meant to him. But it was a risk, one that was so likely to end in disaster. If Dave took it the wrong way - which despite being into men, he definitely could - the Behavioural Analysis Unit would likely fall apart. 

Aaron would end up leaving, most likely, after being pushed out by the team, because for all that he loved them, saw them as being as much of his family as Jack and Sean, and would do absolutely anything for them, any of them, it is obvious if there was a war between Aaron and Dave who they would pick. 

Because why would they want the drill sergeant, who they believe doesn’t trust them all equally. Why would they pick the man who is all work and no play, who is always focused on the job, not getting distracted by the idea of fun. 

He knew he wasn’t the best boss, but it hurt to know the people he loved most in the world, third only to Jack and Dave, would likely not choose him. It hurt to have another reaffirmation that he wasn’t good enough for anyone in his life. It hurt to have just another reason that he shouldn’t love the man he did, that his feelings could break down his world.

Aaron didn’t know how to deal with it all though. He didn’t know how to hide what he felt from Dave - he had no prior experience, as the only other person he had loved he had been dating - and as someone known for his expressionless facade, that was his only option. Surely. The consequences of anything else were far too dire.

But maybe there would be a way to stop it all blowing up in his face if he were to confess how he felt. Maybe if he could mend the bridge that broke between them somewhere along the line, rekindle their friendship, because then if he told Dave, maybe - and just maybe - their friendship would act as a barrier between him and losing his job, being pushed away and out, and losing everything he held dear.

At least then, he might be able to stay. It would be uncomfortable - however it would surely be less so than having to hide his feelings all the time, every day, which would certainly cause a painful tension in the office. Aaron had decided that maybe telling him, in the long run, would be the better result. At least there would be honesty between them, even if it hurt more in the short term.

So now Hotch needed to work out two things - how he was going to mend the fractured friendship that lay broken between them, and how he was going to lay his heart on the line, and wait for it to be torn to pieces. Thinking of it like that made him want to go back on every decision he had made that had led him to that point, but he knew this was what he needed to do.

So his plan - how was he going to mend what had broken between them. That was what he had to start off with, as everything hinged on that. Maybe he could begin the process by reaching out, in a way that Rossi would never read into, that wouldn’t give him an insight into what he truly felt. He had no clue how to do it, and this all seemed to be getting harder and harder. Aaron was ready to bang his head against his desk, wishing he could come up with something, anything, that fit his criteria.

He wished he had someone to ask, to talk to about this, but all his friends close enough for this kind of personal matter were people he either worked with, and were too risky to inform, or his ex-wife, and whilst they were on reasonable grounds, and she had moved on as well, he wasn’t sure that Haley was the one to turn to. 

Normally, he would have turned to Dave, who whilst being a “work friend,” was someone he was close to outside of that environment, and was the least likely to accidentally let something slip to another team member. But that was kind of out of the question. He couldn’t consult Dave on this issue.

At that moment though, Hotch realised the tool he had, that he could use to turn this whole dilemma into his favour - or at least, to not be so entirely difficult and against him. They worked together. And as the boss, he could easily send them out on a consult together, or work together with him more in the field, or even just sit next to him on the jet.

So maybe it wasn’t a perfect situation. In fact, it was a pretty damn horrible one. Unrequited love was never pretty, was not once pleasant. But maybe things wouldn’t be so bad, not in the end. This was just a hurdle, and they would ultimately get over it. Hotch would get over it. He would stop feeling. And he knew even still that he never really would end up getting what he wanted. But it was a hell of a lot better than the alternative.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed it :) At least Aaron has stopped the waiting game.
> 
> Comments, Feedback and Kudos are all appreciated, and motivate me to keep writing and getting better. xxx


End file.
